Supposedly this is to be a hard week as the coronavirus peaks here in NYC. I've tried to calm myself, Saint Anne the Wife, and our parents back in Oklahoma City by citing a New York Times article listing the number of confirmed cases here in the city by zip code and how relatively far down the list our neighborhood is. Hearing and reading about the White House's best case scenario of 100,000+ people dying here in the US thanks to this nonsense is absolutely something else.
The actual danger still seems so far away from the struggles and successes day in and day out in our 700 sq foot apartment and regular walks to and from the park. At the moment I don't personally know of anyone who's been confirmed, but I do keep up with the news and know the wolf isn't too far from our door.
I'd read someone post about being careful the music you end up listening to a lot during this time and how it'll forever be associated with what's happening. I've always been able to look back through my notebooks and remember what different times were like through the journal entries and calendar notes. Now my current notebook has an entry from this past week partly smeared thanks to the Isopropyl alcohol I use as a disinfectant each day. I'll just add it to the coffee stains and spilled water from the years seeing as how I've already got those. Multiple times this week I dreamed about being in different group settings. Couldn't tell you what was happening, but I just remember being around people other than my wife and kids.
Living in New York City you get used to being physically closer to complete strangers than you probably should be, but now it's hard not to think that everyone outside your immediate circle – wife & kids for me – has or could have something that could potentially kill you and/or someone you love. It's an odd dance to try and maintain the social distancing guidelines with others on these narrow sidewalks and grocery store asiles. Oh, and have you tried to keep a mask on a two year old?
I'm still getting used to wearing a mask myself when I'm outside. It's gotten easier now that so many other people are wearing them. It does suck though that my sunglasses and the glasses I wear when I'm not wearing my contacts fog up every time I breathe. Last night I was out walking our dog and in trying to be optimistic through all this, I nerded out about my fogged up glasses acting like a super strong Smoque filter. I literally took a few extra moments just to stare into the streetlights and pay attention to how they rainbowed out.
My hands are more dry and cracked than they've ever been thanks to all the hand washing and disinfecting I've done to try and separate from this invisible enemy, but still in this raw state they seem to be getting tougher and almost used to it. The weather has gotten pretty nice (light jacket vs. parka season) and we still make it out to the park at least once a day when it's not raining. The cherry blossoms have been in full swing the last few days and there's a ton of Spring color showing up.
I'd love to get into "how this situation is making us stronger" and be optimistic and motivating, but honestly it's been a tough few weeks already and I'm not looking forward to a "harder" one. Surely it's fine and healthy to recognize when things suck for at least a moment or two. The dust always settles and soon enough we'll get back to something we recognize.